Musings on Black Friday, Cyber monday, Get-outta-my-way holiday shopping.

Some people will never understand the nuance of shopping. Well to be truthful 

I don’t understand people who don’t understand it. Too many people (translation: 

straight men) just think of shopping as simply “see it and buy it”. What’s up with that! 

It completely misses the whole Zen experience of acquisition. True shopping is a 

voyage of the imagination coupled with the thrill of the hunt. Acquiring the perfect 

non-essential at the perfect price. Let’s face it 95% of the stuff we buy is completely 

unnecessary, not that this should affect us in anyway. In fact that is what makes it so 

extraordinarily arousing emotionally i.e. because in the end we need not have to do 

this endeavor to survive in life so, we need not stress out doing. Thus, we can just 

enjoy the experiences! 

By now you are either with me on this or thinking, ‘wow does he need a life’! To you 

naysayers I say please just read on you’ll get it. 

My point is that since, in the end, most of our shopping is really unnecessary to 

live we can go surrender to the joy of how it stimulates one’s emotions in a non drug 

induced way. Unless you naysayers object to non-drug induced stimuli. Still opposing 

me now hmm? Got ya huh! 

Here is the simple logic of how it works: 

As we shop, our minds picture that thing in our possession. We generate images 

of how we will look in it or how we will interact with it. Those created vision send 

our pleasure centers the signal that they can release those delightful endorphins 

everyone is always talking about when we engage in fantastic sex. Think of shopping 

then like great sex without the need to shower later! 

But there is also much more to this escapade. In times of trouble a store is that 

warm place we can retreat to .It is like slipping into the embrace of one’s accepting 

parent. In a world of religious bigotry it is our spiritual temple of pure acceptance. We 

shop. We dream again. All is well! 

And if the item’s acquired at a bargain price we’ve reached the Holy Grail. Come 

on, tell me you haven’t gotten a tingle when you buy on sale that oh so unnecessary 

item that you dreamt of having. I thought so. But in this activity one must remember 

to think big at the bargain table. Set your gaze into the larger world of saving to really 

get that roller coaster ride’s thrust of arousal. Don’t just save. Save on a grand scale! 

Arousal/thrust...keeping recalling...great sex...its like great sex...got it now? 

Case in point, I once brought a 5-quart blender. Now I did not NEED a 5-quart 

blender as the two quarts was perfectly adequate. However the point was that the 

5-quart was on sale and I saved $74 by getting the larger size. Now I then went to 

another store and brought clothes for a total of $80. In reality if one offsets that $74  

savings amount from the blender then its clear to anyone that I acquired all those 

clothes for just SIX DOLLARS. If you cannot follow this try rereading this paragraph 

again. If you are still unsure well honey I bet you were one of those kids in grammar school who always screwed up that old math question about those two trains leaving some station at the same time etc. huh? Don’t fret that school aged trauma anymore sweetie just go shop until you feel better. 

Final point: 

By shopping you are keeping the world economy afloat. Read your newspapers 

if you don’t believe me. You are not buying that dreamy shirt and pants to satisfy 

some spoiled craving. You are engaged in the selfless act of sending out your money 

into that great pool of currency that will later be used for creation of jobs to employ the 

less fortunate.  You are contributing to our country's place as the engine in the world economy. Thrusting back the forces of recession. Fighting to keep America strong and thus spreading the struggle for democracy worldwide. Tell any who says otherwise that they are nothing more than a commie! 

So, the next time you are tempted to drop a dime into some bucket or hand it over to  

some street person you might want to reconsider and buy that new CD instead. Buy 

something, create jobs and, contribute to a higher good  honey! Walk past that poor 

street person with head held high straight into Macy’s and do your patriotic duty and 

knowing you are keeping the world economy And the struggle for freedom strong!